Oscars fashion
Without further ado, my best and worst dressed (with honorable and dishonorable mentions, of course), plus five hot men I wouldn't kick out of bed.

Michelle Williams: I've loved Michelle Williams ever since she was Jen on Dawson's Creek, and now here she is, nominated for an Oscar, in what was my favorite dress of the night. Yes, not everyone can pull off canary yellow, but she looked totally flawless, and whenever the camera panned across the audience, your eye was drawn immediately to her. Smart girl.

Reese Witherspoon: The belle of the ball, Reese bought this vintage Christian Dior herself and had it restored by hand. I thought she looked classic and gorgeous.

Uma Thurman: Certainly making up for her Christian Lacroix faux pas of last year, this gorgeous Versace showed off her impossibly elegant bod and made her look like the great beauty she is.

Honorable mention
Keira Knightley: I loved this entire look--until the knees. The hair was cute, makeup gorgeous, necklace beyond gorgeous, Goth-y bodice...and then a crazy-huge trumpet hem. Perhaps Rachael Zoe should stick to straight up styling.

Felicity Huffman: I love Felicity Huffman, and I applaud her for choosing an up-and-coming designer (Zac Posen), but I feel like this dress might've looked better on someone with a more youthful physique. Someone with, um, slightly perkier breasts. I'm just saying.

Jessica Alba: My second Versace pick of the night (I know, usually I'm not the hugest fan of Versace, so this is shocking to me too), and she would've been in the Best category if not for one small detail: Did she lose a lot of weight? It certainly looks like it to me. Jessica, I like your curves. Please keep eating.

Dishonorable mention
Jennifer Aniston: Team Aniston was representing at the Oscars while Team Jolie-Pitt was galavanting around Paris, and what does she wear? Yet another black dress. I know it's Rochas, but, hello, it's black. This would've been the time to wear green, red, blue...anything but black. So score one for Team Jolie-Pitt.

Nicole Kidman: OK, Nicole, we get it: You want to get married. Also, you've bleached your freckles away and you stay out of the sun. Yes, we know. Now, please, wear some color, whether it's your face, your body, or your dress.

JLO: The dress was actually quite beautiful, but I was so distracted by JLO's ultra-severe updo and Mystic-Tan-Gone-Wrong, I didn't even notice it. Maybe her scary husband Marc Anthony can confiscate her Body Bling and hairpins for the next awards show.

Amy Adams: I think Amy Adams is cute, and I think it was nice that she was nominated, but is it me or did her dress look like a big pile o' turds?

Charlize Theron: I know this is obvious, but Charlize needs to step away from the Dior. I heard this dress was actually striking in person, although I find that hard to believe. First, it was forest green; second, it looked like some haute couture robot made it; third, I was worried that bow was going to eat her head.

Naomi Watts: Oh dear, where to begin? 1) It's nude. 2) It doesn't flatter her body, especially the hip region (and those of us who've seen 21 Grams, Mulholland Drive, and every other movie in which she's appeared naked, can verify that she is not hippy). 3) The deconstructed ruffle stuff might eat her head before Charlize's bow eats hers.

Five hot men I wouldn't kick out of bed
Ludacris: Even though I know Luda has hoes in every area code, you've gotta love a man who can pull off a velvet tuxedo jacket.

George Clooney: As my coworker AW says, I love me some Clooney. I think he can now safely be called our generation's Cary Grant. Also, I thought he had the best acceptance speech of the night.

Matt Dillon: How old is Matt Dillon? Forty? How is it possible that he still looks this foxy? I'll have what he's having.

Ryan Philippe: I've loved him since Cruel Intentions (the movie on which he met Reese), and I'm glad that his career is somewhat hot again. Well, and he didn't slap Reese on the back or stand up and ask for money this time.

Heath Ledger: Having seen Heath in person (with Michelle, at Nobu), I can understand why she never leaves his side. I wouldn't even make him shave his mustache. Now that's love.

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