Cheryl Shops

On Whitney and America's Next Top Model
Pardon me for being a week late on this topic, but since I was out of the country, I missed the ANTM finale. I finally got a chance to watch it (I knew who the winner was already, it being nearly unavoidable on the Internet), and if there were any doubt as to the artifice of the show, I think the finale proved it. I am not opposed to the idea of a plus-size* model winning; I have a feeling, however, that Whitney won only because Tyra wanted to make a point (which I agree with--models are too thin nowadays, and it's important to recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes). I think Tyra kind of missed the boat though--Toccara, who is arguably one of the most famous and successful contestants in the history of the show, probably would've made a more exemplary choice back in the day, but, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. Whitney was consistently in the bottom two, whereas runner-up Anya was repeatedly called first and won a bunch of challenges. Yes, Anya's Cover Girl photo was odd (you can't tell me they didn't pick that photo on purpose), and her runway walk was severely limited by the, um, two skintight gowns she wore, and there's always something to be said for editing, but, seriously, you can't tell me that Whitney is a better model than Anya. Which, on second thought, kind of makes sense--rarely does the best girl actually win. So I'm taking comfort in the fact that Anya will most likely be signed by another agency and have a successful career (hopefully the same goes for Lauren and Katarzyna too). In the meantime, at least Whitney's "My Life as a Cover Girl" segments should be more exciting than Saleisha, who delivered her lines with the enthusiasm of a dead fish. Who knows, maybe Whitney will be successful. Thoughts?

*Yes, Whitney is not a true plus size; I'd put her at about a 12. And, contrary to the conspiracy theories you read about the fashion industry, true plus size models actually are about a size 14 or 16.

Reality TV roundup
Christian won Project Runway! After seeing the photos from the show, I had a feeling (as I gloated to MW last night) that he'd be victorious--he has a flair for runway drama, sure, but I also think that Christian was the most talented of the three. Rami is technically skilled, but his clothes seem to be more about showing off his tricks rather than, as he said, celebrating the female form. I will say that Jillian's was definitely the most wearable, and I really hope she finds financial backing, because if she produces a line, I will buy it. But it was sportswear, and Christian's was high fashion (which leads back to the eternal visionary male designers vs. practical female designers argument). Also, Christian, with his asymmetrical haircut and witty quips, is just made for reality stardom, and the fact that Victoria Beckham was a guest judge definitely didn't hurt. So far, the Project Runway winners have all seem to have had a little difficulty getting their businesses off the ground; hopefully Christian's drive and energy will ensure that his clothes actually make it into stores.

I am still watching America's Next Top Model, and I feel like whenever the show takes a step forward, it then manages to take a step back. Or vice versa. I thought most of the makeovers were so hideous (as was the super-annoying "Tyra TV" commentary), but then the photo shoot was fairly normal (lingerie, no crazy makeup) and mega-supermodel(!) Elle Macpherson was there, lending an air of legitimacy. (Side note: I like her lingerie line, and I recommend checking it out.) And then there was the product placement: I'm used to Cover Girl by now, but what was up with the random Apple Bottoms delivery? If you're going to whore out to a brand, at least turn it into a challenge or a photo shoot! I am glad Allison got kicked off, because she was clearly brat-tastic (and somewhat racist at that, thanks to her "black girls take it in the butt" comment). Although I will say, I know Fatima has had a hard life and is missing a clitoris and all, but girlfriend is a big ol' bitch, and next week she appears to tussle with both Whitney and Miss J. Uh-oh...

Reality TV roundup
I am a sucker for the dramatic, headline-grabbing antics of high fashion, so of course I loved last night's Project Runway, one of the few episodes in the series' history in which the contestants were encouraged to go avant garde. (I know they're a sponsor of the show, but I could've done without the gratuitous Tres Semme namedropping however.) This is not going to be a popular statement, but I totally love Christian. He cracks me up, and the dress he and Chris created was exquisite; crazy hair and bratty attitude aside, he really is quite talented. I also loved Jilian and Victorya's ensemble--very Alexander McQueen. Rami used to be one of my favorites, but after the last two weeks--and especially after he unfairly, and undeservedly, ragged on Sweet Pea--I'm starting to rethink that. And while Ricky and Kit Pistol's dress was a hot mess, I think Kit unfairly took the fall. Ricky is good at crying and shaping bodices; can he do anything else? Don't cry for Kit, though--you can buy her accessories on her website, Shop Kit Pistol.

And because I love Bravo so much--well, and because of the writers' strike, there's nothing else on TV--I'm also watching Make Me A Supermodel. Hosted by Niki Taylor and Tyson Beckford, the show features both male and female contestants competing to become a supermodel, but the twist is that viewers get to vote via text message who gets kicked off each week, a la American Idol. Yes, it sounds gimmicky, but after two episodes, I think I can vouch that it's far superior to America's Next Top Model. First of all, it's shot on film (as opposed to ANTM's video), which just makes it look classier. Secondly, the format is pretty staightforward: Every week, there's a photo shoot, a runway walk, and a body assessment (more on that later)--no "acting," no b.s. psychobabble, no nepotism. Okay, Tyson is a bit of a diva, but nowhere near as bad as Tyra Banks, and Niki balances him out in a good-cop-bad-cop way. And instead of washed-up old supermodels and "noted fashion photographers," the judges include the head of New York models and a top casting agent. As for the weekly measurements, yes, it's harsh, but so is the modeling industry--clients are way more outspoken and judgmental, and it's something models deal with on a daily basis; I'm actually surprised Tyra doesn't make more of a fuss about this on ANTM, but then again, it's not like any of the winners are actual working models. Which is a fate that hopefully won't fail the winner of Make Me A Supermodel--and at this point, I'm betting it's Jacki. Anyone else care to weigh in?

Worst. Finale. Ever.
In spite of her fabulous photographs and endearingly odd general behavior, I knew Heather was not going to win America's Next Top Model, but even so, I completely lost interest once she was gone (and I have a feeling other viewers did too, because Heather, who was voted "Cover Girl of the week" in every episode except the first, was even the winner the week after she left). But even before she left, it was pretty obvious to me that Saleisha was going to win, all because of one comment Tyra made, which was that she wasn't going to go easy on Saleisha just because she went to Tyra's T-Zone camp. Which, of course, meant exactly the opposite. So the episodes leading up to the finale were just as slow, drawn-out, and unsurprising as the finale itself. Bianca was obviously too bitchy to win and Jenah was too sarcastic (god forbid ANTM's winner should not be Mary Sunshine!); and while Chantal put up a good fight, she as well as everyone else knew it was curtains for her when she took out that poor dude on stilts.

Speaking of which, I know most of the finale fashion shows in the past have been staged especially for the show, but this one was particularly cheese-tastic. "Tyra Banks has arrived!" Um, because the 1,000 Chinese extras couldn't tell? Also, did anyone notice that during the final call, there were like 8 models in the entire show? Including Jaslene? I cringed the entire time.

I will allow that Saleisha's walk was better than Chantal's, but that could actually be due to the fact that Saleisha was a professional model even before the show--she's appeared on a different season of ANTM, Tyra's talk show, and a Wendy's commercial. Because there's nothing more High Fashion than a Frosty and a Double with Cheese.

So here's my question--we all have known for a while that while the winner of the show becomes America's Next Top Model, she doesn't exactly become America's next top model. She basically needs to be congenial, accessible, and somewhat photogenic. So, knowing this, why hasn't a plus-size model won yet? I know what usually happens is that the one plus-size girl realizes she can't compete with a bunch of size 2's and then subsequently gives up, but don't you think that Tyra could go a little easier on them? On second thought, I think I might have just answered my own question.

ANTM will be back in February. Thankfully, we have Project Runway to entertain us in the meantime...

America's Next Top Model vs. Project Runway
So, does anyone else think it's a coincidence that the challenge on America's Next Top Model last night--the same night on which the new season of Project Runway was debuting--was a very Project Runway-esque situation in which the contestants had to serve as muses to FIDM students, then parade down the runway in their respective creations? The difference between the shows, however, is that while Jenna's punk-rock getup clearly would've won on Project Runway, Saleisha and her Halloween costume took the prize on ANTM. Gross. Of course, the low point in the episode came when Tyra told the contestants they were all going to China--Yay! Ninjas! (wait, aren't they Japanese?) Screaming! Jumping up and down! Chinese lions! Gongs!--except, that is, the girl who's going home. Which turned out to be the long-past-her-expiration-date Ambreal, who nonetheless took it like a champ. Also, I'd like to know how the "green" theme of this "cycle" is going to work with their trip to China, home of lead-based paint.

As for Project Runway, I think everyone was a bit worried that the show had jumped the proverbial shark, but with the exception of Tim Gunn's catchphrases sounding almost like a parody now (I expected him to throw in a "Where's Andrae?" just for old time's sake), I think this season is going to be awesome. We have Elisa, the kooky earth-mother hippie; Christian, the cocky kid straight out of design school; Ricky, the gay Mexican lingerie designer; and Chris, the crazy-costume designer. And while I supported Rami's win, I worry that he's going to be a one-trick pony, and that everything he designs is going to have that goddess-like draped look. I was much more intrigued by Victorya's tent dress, which was very Lanvin-esque, and so I'm keeping my eye on her this season. I just hope the show is as good the Bravo website--if you're in need of procrastination tools, I highly recommend checking out all the blogs and interactive features there--but based on the first episode, I say so far, so good.

America's Next Top Model: the most disappointing makeover episode ever
Is it me or did the makeover episode of last night's America's Next Top Model kind of suck? It seemed like a third of the girls had very little done to them; a third went short; and a third got weaves. And with the exception of Bianca's silent, stoic tears, there was no crying and no drama! Everyone was all, "I love my hair!" Bo-ring! I will admit, I love Chantal's bangs--if my hair looked like that, I would be an incredibly happy girl. I think darker hair was definitely a smart choice for Janet, although her days are clearly numbered, since the judges already think she's too "men's magazine." While I was a bit nervous about cutting Sarah's hair short, I think it does make her look better and more distinctive. And Heather, hello, she's so perfect as she is, they didn't have to do anything to her! But that's where the good ends. Bianca does look better with a shaved head, but that wig they gave her is atrocious. I don't understand what they did to Lisa's hair. At all. Saleisha looks like Tootie. Ebony is too wrecked for me to fully appreciate what they did for her. And Ambreal...I keep forgetting who she is anyway. As for poor, poor Jenah, her weave is already out of control, and the platinum hue brings out the redness in her skin; did ANTM not learn its lesson from Brittany last cycle?

And then there's Victoria, who was the first anecdote of the show...and thus obviously the girl who would be going home. (Note to ANTM producers: You need to get more creative with the editing. You're giving it away.) As much as I loved her for standing up to Twiggy's b.s., I was starting to loathe her whole, "I'm not a model! I don't know how to do my makeup! I'm just a nerd from Yale!" schtick. You can tell that Victoria is an overachiever who's used to winning, and I'm sure it pained her to suck at modeling; at the end of the episode, she seemed like the happiest girl ever to get kicked off the show.

Next week, the girls do some bizarre photo shoot, and there had better be tears this time!

America's Next Top Model is back!
Well, America's Next Top Model has been back for two weeks already, but since I was on vacay for the first two episodes, this is my first post about it. So, among the ridiculous points of note thus far is that this is a "green" cycle of ANTM, which is admirable in theory, but the fact that the first episode took place on a fuel-guzzling cruise ship seems a bit hypocritical to me. Also, Tyra is not allowing any of the contestants to smoke on this cycle, which seems a bit harsh. If a contestant is caught smoking, will she be kicked off the show? The logical thing to do would be to just not show any of the girls smoking on camera, but that would probably mean--god forbid--missing out on some juicy bits. This cycle also already has a resident bitch, Queens' own Bianca, who is so incredibly insecure that she picks fights with anyone who is more talented than her. Which is everyone. While she was in the bottom two this week, I'm assuming Tyra is keeping her on just so she can break Bianca down and make her cry at some point. Perhaps it will happen in next week's makeover episode. Hmm... There's one "plus size" contestant, Sarah, who is about 30 pounds away from actually being plus size and seems incredibly well-adjusted. If she knows what's good for her, she'll develop a personality ASAP. We also have our first Ivy League contestant, the Yalie Victoria, who has managed to sass Twiggy twice, endearing her greatly to me, as I think Twiggy is an idiot. Now all she needs to do is drop her "I'm a geek" schtick and she'll be in the running for one of my favorites. But as of now, that honor belongs to Heather, the contestant with Asberger's syndrome (which, as we all know by now, is a mild form of autism). Heather is awesome not only because she's the most ugly-duckling-beautiful contestant since Shandi, but because you know she's not going to fall into the typical ANTM cycle (pun intended) of crying and catfights. Which hopefully means she'll stick around for awhile, but in the meantime, I can't wait for the makeover episode next week. There had better be tears, or I'm going to feel incredibly let down.

America's Next Top Model recap
It's old news by now, so I'll keep my America's Next Top Model finale recap short. As I predicted, Jaslene won. I am happy about this, because Jaslene was my favorite--well, as far as I could pick a favorite, this being a season of straight-up crazies. Backing up a bit, the girls had to do the obligatory Cover Girl photo shoot/TV spot, and Renee pretty much screwed herself by starting out complaining about how she's a teenage mom. The judges then jumped upon her for looking "too old" (I think her Mom-ish short haircut--which Tyra gave her--deserves at least 50% of the blame for those comments), although I think we all know the true reason she was cut--Renee may have had an interesting back story, but she's way too conniving to represent the wholesome Cover Girl brand. Natasha and Jaslene then had to walk the runway for Sass & Bide, which is by far the most credible label to make a finale appearance since DSquared2 in cycle 2. Jaslene looked a bit zoned out at first, but then she got her groove; Natasha, on the other hand, looked oddly stocky and neckless to me the entire time. There appeared to be much debating, but, come on, we all knew Jaslene was a shoo-in--it was her line of Spanish in her Cover Girl spot that cemented it. Sure, she looks a little drag queeny, but, hey, even queens need to wear makeup!

In related news, Fashionista reports that Samantha Francis--the 19-year-old contestant Tyra kicked off for being too young--has signed with Elite...where Jaslene has a contract. Awkward!

America's Next Top Model Recap
I was kind of dreading this week's episode of America's Next Top Model because it was the "culture" episode, which always comes across as cheesy and pandering. I will give them credit, however, for spinning the aboriginal dance as "telling a story," much like modeling. And I am slightly ashamed to admit that I teared up during Renee's challenge-winning presentation. (Hey, I'm having a stressful week!) In fact, I was just starting to feel sympathy for Renee when she, Jaslene, and Dionne went out for a night on the town and Renee started to stir shit up again, this time against Natasha (who, yes, totally grossed me out when she started making out with her cell phone--get a room!). Poor Natasha seemed a bit out of it this week, especially at the aboriginal-themed photo shoot, which, I'll admit, was also kind of cool (the photo shoot, not the fact that Natasha was sucking big time). But the judges finally realized that Dionne sucked more, so she had to go--a wise decision, since she never really took a good photograph. I'll miss her colorful commentary, however.

So now we have Renee, Jaslene, and Natasha in the final three. My money is still on Jaslene--Renee is evil at heart, and Natasha, while adorable in her own way, is a mail-order bride, which is not exactly fitting with Cover Girl's wholesome image. And, yes, Jaslene has that drag queen thing going on, but keep in mind she's Latina, and wouldn't she be a great vehicle for Cover Girl to target this country's ever-growing Latin population? I'm just saying. But regardless, Jaslene is my favorite, and I think she's the best of the three girls left. So my fingers are crossed.

Five semi-interesting bits of info from this week's America's Next Top Model recap episode

1. Jael is a fierce...hoola-hooper.

2. Speaking of Jael, her rivalry with Renee went further than Renee's bizarre Jael-in-straightjacket sketch and post-party argument. Still, Jael was awesome with Renee's son, which means that if Jael can't get work as a model, perhaps she'd make a good babysitter. Er, maybe not.

3. Dionne has a temper.

4. Whitney is a big ham. I mean personality-wise. Geez!

5. Natasha got her tooth pulled without painkillers. If that's not badass, I don't know what is.

Next week is the go-see episode, and it appears Brittany has another emotional breakdown. Oh joy.

America's Next Top Model recap
I'd like to have a moment of silence for Jael, quite possibly the kookiest America's Next Top Model contestant ever (and that's saying something). Obviously doomed from the start, Jael drew the ire of both Twiggy and Nigel early on, in spite of being championed by Ms. Tyra herself. Jael didn't really photograph well, and appeared totally strung out (but endearingly so) in person, so the fact that she couldn't deliver a Cover Girl commercial was really the nail in the coffin. I mean, could you really see Jael the "anarchist" doing those weekly "My life as a Cover Girl" spots? Exactly. Although I nearly lost my shit when I saw Jael frolicking amidst the chickens on the shoot. I also nearly lost it when Renee busted out the Steve Irwin accent during her commercial, a touching yet hilarious homage (may he rest in peace). The other thing that really made me laugh was when, upon learning they'd be traveling to Australia, Jaslene said, "I've only been to the hood and around the corner." That was genius. I'm glad the girls are in Australia for their little trip; hopefully the challenge with Australian slang will be all we'll see of the annoying "cultural" bits Tyra throws in to seem worldly. Speaking of which, I love Natasha. She may be a mail-order bride, but she's a damn smart one. If she's not in the top three, I'll be shocked.

Next week is the midseason recap episode, which normally I'd be annoyed about, but they're usually filled with wonderful little chestnuts, and with the crazy gals on the show this season, I'm expecting many, many laughs.