Most worstest. Oscar fashion. Ever.
Lovable host Jon Stewart aside, last night's Oscar ceremony was one of the most boring ever and, fittingly, so were the dresses. Boring jewelry, boring colors (black and red--how novel!), few risk-takers, and few rewards. Meh.

The Best Actress winner always gets a free pass, but Marion Cotillard's Gaultier mermaid gown (complete with scale-like beading) deserves an award of its own.

Anne Hathaway must've learned something from The Devil Wears Prada; I thought this Marchesa gown suited her perfectly, and it was definitely my favorite of all the reds.

Cate Blanchett screwed up my Oscar pool, but I'll forgive her, because she always takes fashion risks (this is Dries van Noten), and she always looks fabulous--even while mega-pregnant.

Honorable Mention
Nicole Kidman is, what, four months pregnant, and you can't even tell. And while her black Balenciaga gown is a bit on the understated side, her diamond necklace, designed by L'Wren Scott, is to die for.

I feel like the number-one adjective everyone is using to describe Miley Cyrus's Valentino gown is "age-appropriate," which is funny, because I wouldn't necessarily think to put a 15-year-old in Valentino. However, this gown is demure, chic, and, yes, age-appropriate

Unlike most media outlets, I did not hate Tilda Swinton's one-sleeved Lanvin gown. But I loved her diamond cuff bracelet, as well as the fact that this woman did not have a stitch of makeup on her face and yet managed to have an ethereal glow that made her look younger than most starlets. I'll have what she's having.

Most Improved
Jennifer Hudson managed to look light years better than last year's metallic-cropped-jacket disaster. My only complaint is that it looks like she's not wearing a bra, and when you've got a rack that huge, you've got to keep those puppies in line.

Dishonorable Mention
Ever since she was Sydney Bristow on Alias, I have loved Jennifer Garner. And I thought it was even sweet that she name-dropped stylist Rachel Zoe on the red carpet, but I have to subtract major points for Zoe's War on Breasts--Garner's did not fit in this dress and bubbled out in a rather unflattering manner.

I get that Ellen Page is not into fashion and all, but this is seriously one of the most boring dresses I've ever seen. Although I own a similar version in black jersey, and it is quite comfortable. However, this is the Oscars. Make an effort.

Her dress fits her beautifully, but her matronly hairstyle makes Katherine Heigl look like Movie Star Barbie. Also: It's boring.

Diablo Cody's dress itself wasn't awful per se, but she looked uncomfortable in it, and for someone who's going to be stuck with "former exotic dancer" in front of her name for the rest of her life, perhaps something a bit more classic would've been a smarter choice.

I liked Kelly Preston's dress the first time, two years ago, when I saw it on Michlle Williams. This looks like an ABS knockoff.

Former cocktail waitress and Fear Factor contestant Sarah Larson is quite possibly the luckiest girl in the world, in that she was plucked from D-list obscurity and now shares a bed with The Clooney. And considering how classy Clooney is, you'd think he could've helped her pick out a better dress than this lackluster Valentino, which looks like something a fading Palm Beach socialite would wear to a charity ball. She should just be cropped out of this photo.

1 comment

Anonymous said...

i agree with you about tilda swinton. she's been in the business, mostly indie movies, for a long time but still, she's so youthful. perhaps she could have worn the dress to be a little more form fitting to complete the look.

nice observations, i agree completely!