The Cheryl Shops Valentine's Day Gift Guide
Yes, folks, it's time for every man's favorite "holiday" (MW, the quotes are for you). Guys, don't buy your lady chocolates. Believe me, if a gal wants a piece of chocolate, she'll go buy one for herself. And, ladies, my personal experience has told me that guys can stomach Valentine's Day more easily if you emphasize the sex--not romance--part. That said, here are my gift ideas for him and for her.

Gifts for him
A "nice" gift: Women indeed go crazy for a sharp-dressed man, and, to me, one of the most irresistable things is a man in a close-fitting cashmere sweater, preferably in a dark color like charcoal gray or navy. J.Crew's Hampton sweater is pricey but luxurious, and you won't be able to take your hands off of him--good for both of you.

A nice-smelling gift: In previous gift guides, I've extolled the vitrues of such fragrances as Dolce & Gabbana and Burberry Brit, but the best ever--and most luxurious--is Creed's Irish Tweed. Yes, it's kind of Waspy (a whiff conjures tweeds and Wellingtons), but, come on, Cary Grant wore it.

Another nice-smelling gift: Chances are, your boyfriend's apartment smells like dirty socks and has some manner of unwanted visitors (roaches, mice, dirty hippies, etc.), and if this is the case, you probably don't want to stay over there very often. But get him this incredibly sexy-smelling Baies candle from Diptyque (in a masculine black glass container, to boot!) and you might be able to forget about the other stuff--as long as your eyes are closed.

A dorky but cute gift: Am I a dork for wanting to get these personalized boxers for MW and write "Property of Cheryl" on them? Well, yes. But they're better than the cheesy red silk ones you can get at your local department store.

A dirty gift: Like I said, guys can handle Valentine's Day so much more easily when you emphasize the sex part. Hence, this dirty (but funny) I Heart... tee. For indoor use only.

Gifts for her
A gift with ulterior motives: She'll see this pretty, innocent-looking dragonfly necklace and think you're the greatest boyfriend ever. When she wears it, however, you have open license to stare at her boobs, due to the dangling nature. If she calls you on it, you can say, "I was just admiring your new necklace on your lovely neck."

A gift with slightly more clear ulterior motives: Sure, the name Hot Sex Box certainly isn't subtle, but she'll love the contents--a bath bomb, lip balm, massage bar, and shower gel--and will hopefully get the hint.

A gift with ulterior motives that she'll be somewhat aware of: With fishnets everywhere these days, sexy hosiery has come out of the lingerie drawer, so to speak, and into the mainstream. The final frontier? Almost-obsolete back-seam tights will give your moll an incredibly sexy retro look.

A gift with fairly obvious ulterior motives: If you're going to buy your girl sexy lingerie, there is a golden rule that needs to be followed: Classy, not trashy. Anything from La Perla is a safe bet, and this Malizia Frou Frou babydoll is sexy (i.e. see-through) for you and stylish (cute ruffles, luxurious) for her.

A gift that's totally obvious: My friend J works at a downtown salon that will give you a completely bare bikini wax, then adorn your, um, special area with crystals. If your girl is more DIY, perhaps she'd have a field day with this bikini art kit. Sorry, guys, there's no "Property of..." kit.

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